Waifu Impact Review – A Splash of Nothing

Have you ever chatted with someone and they asked you the hypothetical question of what you would do on a deserted island? What if I changed the question and the island is full of bikini-clad girls with water guns? Which doesn’t sound like a bad idea. However, conceptually, yes, that could be a joyous time. Unfortunately, Waifu Impact completely underperforms, making you question if you’d ever even visit this hypothetical island.

Let’s start off with a disclaimer about this review. I’m basing my input on the Switch version, which means I’m inhibited from one of the main selling points of the title–nudity. Some may immediately feel that my words are now unoptimized for a review, as I didn’t get the entirety of the experience. But I don’t think seeing more explicit content would help this game in any manner, especially given the quality of the model artwork.

Waifu Impact is all about girls being splashed and shot with water, yet none of these things look correct. Okay, the girls don’t look terrible, but they’re pretty low-budget, reminiscent of sample models you can find in VRoid Studio. The expressions, if you can see them, are not dynamic and they don’t really move well, to begin with. There’s basically not much to look or gawk at if that’s what you’re hoping for.

With no introduction and one of the most comically lackluster title screens I’ve ever seen, you start off Waifu Impact as a girl named Haruka. How do you begin? Just by hopping onto an island with no sense of direction. After looking at the start menu, you figure out the controls and make your way to try and find 25 total stars scattered around the island. But be wary, you have obstacles blocking your path.

Your most consistent obstacle is other girls with water guns who will shoot on sight. Believe me, they are everywhere. Luckily, you also have a water gun to shoot them. Waifu Impact is a third-person shooter, but it’s as barebones as it can get for something of that genre.

The shooting isn’t great, but it’s not that bad. I’ve sniped some of the enemy girls from afar and those are the only moments of satisfaction I received. Otherwise, there’s just no variety. The girls you shoot are all the same model and they don’t have any variance to them. Your only other opportunity to fight a different enemy comes each time you shoot down 30 girls, as a super boss appears for you to try and knockdown.

Beating this boss grants you access to a different character. Indeed, this game allows you to play as other girls by unlocking them over time, whether it be by defeating super bosses or by collecting all the stars. Each girl has a different water gun with different shooting capabilities, so some may be more favorable to you than others. Alongside the water guns, you also get access to character art by defeating more enemies. If you’d like something to stare at for roughly 1 second, then these art cards for you.

While the enemies are the most common obstacle, there is one other roadblock to collecting all the stars–the controls. As you roam the island, you start to realize that your movements don’t feel smooth whatsoever. Not only does running feel awkward and have an invisible stamina meter, but on the Switch, the frame rate has complete dips at random moments. This means you’ll try to jump or shoot and you’ll see the screen have a momentary freeze before you see your completed actions.

Speaking of jumping, the platforming in this game is awful. You won’t need to jump too much, but when you do, it can feel excruciatingly heavy and inconsistent. One moment you feel like you’re jumping far and the next moment, you barely make any distance with your leap. This inconsistency can make it considerably frustrating and demotivating to get to your objective. If you’re looking for something to change up some of the monotony, it’s possible that some of your falls can have you glitch through the landscape or shoot you across the map, so that’s fun.

I previously mentioned the lack of variety when it comes to the girl enemies, but it doesn’t stop there. After you acquire all 25 collectible stars, you may wonder what else exists outside the island. Nothing does. This moderately sized island is your only level in the entire game, meaning that you can finish it within a 1-2 hour span. In addition, if you’re the type of individual who does not like hearing the same tracks loop over and over again, then you’re not in luck, as there are very few tracks present. Once you’re done with the main game, you’ll have access to an arena mode and that’s it for your content.

There is a promising premise presented here, but sadly, Waifu Impact fails to make an impact at all, let alone a splash. Even if the concept isn’t fully realized, there could always be hope for some notable systems. Unfortunately, this couldn’t pull off any of that, leaving me confused. Games can be cheeky but still present some value with how comically bad they are, Waifu Impact doesn’t even come close. With poor gameplay and visuals, this game is dead in the water.